What is it about being good for awhile that makes me want to be so bad?!

I've been taking macrobiotic cooking classes this spring, and implementing many of the recipes and principles into my daily life. The last couple of weekends I've fasted and it felt wonderful. Then all hell broke loose.

I rarely go to the grocery if I'm tired or hungry. I know that if this happens I get home with all kinds of crap I normally wouldn't buy. However, this week I was ovulation and the hormones were pushing the grocery cart. That's how the two-bite brownies got into the cupboard. Thursday I had one. The next day I had six. Then the rest of them went in the trash. The slide had begun.

Last night was a birthday/Mother's Day celebration dinner with my Gals. I had a superb seared salmon in miso broth with wild rice. I ate half of it, and had pot au chocolate for dessert! It was creamy, intense, rich and divine. A partial recovery.

Today I had french toast and sausage for breakfast. And coffee. I wanted a nap immediately. I went to a movie, then I went and bought wine, brie and crackers for lunch. The weather's miserably cold and windy and rainy for the umpteenth day in a row and I wanted comfort food. That was my logic anyways.

The wine was too dry. I had a couple of crackers; they were tasteless, boring and the brie was like sludge. So not only was I not satisfied, I felt like crap: slow, blob-like and dissapointed! I'd hit maximum density.

The positive side of this is that after dancing back and forth across the edges of body/food awareness I now get it on a level that I hadn't before. I have finally accepted the clear and blatant cause and affect between my body and the substances I put into it. The loss of the lightness, energy and clarity I attain when eating well are not worth the momentary tactile and taste experience of those other foods.

Bottom line is that I'll make more conscious choices now. And if I'm going to be bad, I'm going to be Mae West bad: I will on occasion have something 'worthy' and savor every moment of it!